The Sweet Tooth Experiment

So here’s the thing… I have a problem. In the same way that meth heads and alcoholics can’t live without their vice, I can’t seem to kick that white powdery goodness (crack? No. Not crack.) SUGAR! That’s right, it’s Easter Day and I’m lying in a sugar coma of my own making, regretting every decision I have made in my life that has brought me to this sobering moment. They say the memories you remember the most vividly are the ones you have a strong emotional attachment to. You know what’s sad? One of my earliest memories is sneaking into the kitchen one summer afternoon, skillfully pulling up a dining room chair to the kitchen counter, peeking over my shoulder to make sure I was alone, and digging in to that orange, plastic 70’s style sugar container filled with regret. And deliciousness. And I think there were some rainbows sprinkled with butterflies (because that’s what sugar tastes like). I have countless memories of sugar and junk food. I used to hold bragging rights to devouring an entire box of Swiss rolls in one sitting. Then I realized that’s not something you should brag about. Then I was just sad. I guess what I’m trying to get at is, I have a problem. Well, let’s be honest, I have many problems, but sugar? That’s one that, logically, I have control over. That’s what I don’t understand about addiction (because that’s what I would call waking up every morning and the thought that gets me out of bed is, “but what can I eat?”) I have the power over my left arm that reaches out from my body, unwraps a candy bar, and smashes it into my face. So why isn’t it that easy?? I’ve considered wandering into an AA meeting and taking the advice under the guise of an alcoholic. That’s what it feels like. When I am in line at Walmart, and my eyes unknowingly drift to the candy wall of hopes and dreams. I feel like I can hear the dramatic music of Intervention begin and a black screen with a caption appears reading “Breanna has been eating 5 lbs of sugar every day for the last five years. Her family is concerned for her health,” And then it would cut to me slowly devouring that melty goodness in my car in the parking lot as I made sure no one I knew was watching or could see me. I guess that’s when you realize you have a problem. When you want to hide it and make sure you’ve covered your tracks, thrown away receipts and wrappers. You may be saying to yourself, “this girl seems sad. I don’t like sad. I’m going to watch some cat videos” hear me out. I have a solution, an experiment of sorts. I am going to go cold turkey! That’s right, I’m going to be one of those self righteous jerks that tells you how easy it is to just “stop”. In all honesty, there are probably going to be a lot of tears, a lot of bargaining with God, and a lot of undeserved anger thrown in the direction of who ever comes near me. And you, you lucky website wanderer, will get to witness all of my crazy, sugarless self first hand. Stay tuned, there’s a whole lot of crazy coming your way!

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One thought on “The Sweet Tooth Experiment

  1. I feel the same way! I want to be one of those people that goes for months without a candy bar or can’t remember the lady time they had a soda, but by noon each day I’ve usually had more than any normal, healthy person should have had in a week. In going to follow your journey.

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